CHRISTIAN ROMANCES: HEAVEN OR HELL?

This post originally appeared on Julie N. Ford's blog for Cordelia's Corner.

            This is not what I had intended to write.  I had a rather nice piece about the rejection Mel has faced in her supposed publishing career.  The ups, the downs—especially the downs—of not getting her work in print and paid for it.  It was almost complete; I was simply trying to edit it.  However, Mel has been exceptionally grouchy because of a week-long illness on her part, strep throat for both children, numerous meetings, and appointments for doctors and physical therapists.  The only thing that cheered her up was seeing Robert Pattinson dirty and tanned at the movies earlier this week.  I just wanted his character to turn into a vampire and eat the villain.  Or the lions.  I wasn’t picky.

            I know how Mel has felt, so that is why I simply bit my tongue Tuesday night when she looked over my work and said, “That’s so depressing.  I thought you were going to write something funny.”  I wanted to say, “Right back at you,” but I refrained.  I mean, the woman still hasn’t finished the short story she’s been working on for the past couple of months.  What does she do with her time?

            I took a deep breath.  I asked her, quite snippily, I might add, “What do you suggest?”

            “Tell them about yourself.  Let the readers get to know you better.  Things you like, things you don’t like.  That sort of thing.”

            “You mean like how I sometimes like to watch the Twilight movies just so I can yell at them?”

            I should note that Mel has a differing opinion of the Twilight movies.  Not only is she blushing and giggling whenever Edward Cullen strides into a scene with indie rock music swelling in the background, but then a few scenes later she’s screaming, “Put on a shirt!  Pull up your pants!  Don’t you even own a belt?”  I think Mel would make a horrible cougar, even though she did have that great-great aunt of hers that was a looker whose third husband was a couple of decades younger than her.  For those of you who skimmed the previous sentence, I said “looker”, not “hooker.” 

            Just wanted to be clear. 

            Anyway, back to what I’m supposed to write about.  Mel said that she was thinking more along the lines of reading tastes.

            Fine.  Here goes.

            I have a love/hate relationship with Christian romances, also known as inspirational romances.

            As much as I would like to say how glad I am to have that off my chest, I do need to explain.  Mel and I read across the board, from Christian to erotic romances, but mostly stay within the middle.  Sex scenes make Mel blush, and writing them, well, that’s another post I’m working on.  Fade-to-black is perfectly fine, but graphic can be, too, as long as it flows with the story.  I like the fact that when I read a Christian romance, I can expect that it’s going to be a story dealing with one or both of the main characters struggling with his/her/their faith(s), a sweet romance, and they’re planning on waiting until marriage to consummate their relationship.  When it’s done right, it’s a keeper, and gets recommended to everybody and their brother.

            However, I get really tired of Christian romances where the people are perfect Christians, those goody-goody people who never step wrong, who don’t make mistakes, who really are holier-than-thou.  No flaws to speak of.  Let’s face it, Christians are people, and because of that, they’re flawed.  Also, I’ve noticed a trend that at least one of the main characters has to run an after-school program for disadvantaged youths.  A worthy endeavor, but after a while it’s like authors are worried we’ll dislike the hero or heroine if the only volunteer work he/she does is teaching Sunday School because he/she has an actual job to pay those pesky bills.

            What about scenarios that make your eyebrows rise in disbelief?  I’m not talking any deus ex machina here, because I can accept miracles in Christian stories, as long as they aren’t contrived.  I’m talking about when a woman is being stalked and her house broken into.  Where the hero leaves her at her house that night and says he’ll pray for her safety, before going home.  You see, they’re worried what the neighbors will think if he spends the night. 

            How about this?  Who cares? 

            If I were the one being stalked and terrorized, and somehow or another, the police weren’t going to do anything (really?), at the very least I’d have the hero no more than two feet away from me.  If I could Velcro myself to him, I would.  I’d worry about saving my life first before Nosy Neighbor Lady’s opinions on the matter.  The rumors could fly with abandon, but I WOULD STILL BE ALIVE.  Needless to say, the book’s ending with the heroine’s response to the villain finally made me throw the book against the wall.

            How about this scenario?  The heroine is stuck on an island due to bad winter weather with an old flame, and his aunt who lives next door.  The aunt whose every breath begins with quoting scripture.  I was ready to scream after the fifth or sixth time she did this, and it happened constantly, because THE GIRL WAS STUCK ON THE ISLAND!  If I were the one stuck with that annoying creature, I would have been tempted to go all Rambo on her, or begged to at least have gotten voted off before I did some damage.  When the inevitable happily-ever-after came, I wanted to ask the heroine if she was sure she wanted to marry into that annoying family.

            Look, I totally get that this doesn’t bother some readers; some seek out these types of stories on purpose, and that’s fine.  What annoys me doesn’t annoy others, and vice versa.  It’s the same as with any other genre/subgenre.  I may love something, and someone else may detest that very same thing.  Unfortunately, in my limited experience with Christian romances, I’ve discovered more things that have irritated me than pleased me.  However, like I mentioned earlier, there are some keepers:  Allie Pleiter – I will forever associate rugby with gorgeous British bankers; Carolyne Aarsen – one of her books I was screaming in mortified laughter when the heroine and I realized who the guy on the horse really was; and Deeanne Gist – her characters are flawed, scenes are realistic, and historical detail is second-to-none.  There are others, but these three immediately come to mind.  They are also why I keep going back to Christian romances.

            A fun fact for Mel:  Deeanne Gist’s aunt and Mel’s mother-in-law are friends.  Ms. Gist has no idea that Mel exists, but Mel has begged Polly to mention what a fan girl she is the next time Polly’s friend is in town and they have lunch.  I begged Polly to do so before I throw Mel against the wall.  Believe me, it’s coming.

            Until next time,

            Cordelia